Here's looking at you, kid.

"I'm gonna lose my baby that's why I always wanna keep a bottle near. I don't ever wanna drink again. I just.. need a friend. It's just not my pride it's just until these tears have dried."

-Amy Winehouse

**8.05PM.

A couple of hours earlier, slouched in a couch, I was listening to Amy Winehouse and her songs. With the recent news of finally leaving this world that has been cruel to her, I began to think about her lonely life, her addiction and dependence on drugs and alcohol, until she passed away. I also began to contemplate, regarding my life. I then picked up my phone and wrote this down:

"One of the reasons why I'm working nights is to kill the thoughts running through my head. Sometimes I dread rest days because it gives me nothing to do. So on these 2 days, I choose to drown in alcohol, the loud music, and the company of my friends. This life I'm in gets lonely, sometimes I feel like I'm watching from the outside as I watch myself race through time, wondering what the next scene will be."

With these thoughts, I was actually thinking about resigning from work. But then I'll go back to the life of a college kid and all those parties. There's a part of me that wants to go back and just worry about graduation. There's also a part of me who wants to do everything cos I'm not getting any older.

I'm confused.

All people could ever remember even after her untimely death was her indulgence in drugs and alcohol. Few could remember the legacy in the music industry she left behind. Here's a complete genius who were nominated six major grammy awards and won five.

Can I please have a dose of humanity?

**7.56PM.

My shift started about twenty minutes ago. Now here I go again, changing my blog description, blog title, and the domain name. Sorry for the confusion but I think I'm gonna go ahead and stay with this one. It's easier to have a topic that I'm currently immersed in.

**8.12PM

Today I just said goodbye to a coworker. She's a Nurse and she's off to Canada and will work on a cruise ship, and she will be resigning on Friday. She's planning on not ever coming back to the call center industry again.

Then I got another coworker who has been absent for three straight days. Turns out he went to Cagayan Valley, up in the North, hunting for a gecko that can earn him $7,000 minimum.

Coworker will resign by the end of August, will go back to her previous call center.

Another coworker in the Sales Department resigning, can't handle workload and wants a real career.

Also another one, VISA approved, will go back to Dubai, UAE.

Also another one, will resign and then apply to a different company with a non-voice account.

Then a couple more.

I realized I'm like this people. Restless. Always wanting to get out. Trying to make sense out of life. Trying to do everything just to feel alive. Can't stay contented, can't stay satisfied, always on the run, don't know if they're ever going back. Few work because they need it. Many work for the strangest reasons.

I'm still thinking.

Now we're getting somewhere with all this hurrying.

**6.57AM.

3 minutes to go before my shift ends. Customer called in, said, "Hello?" No answer from my end. Finally when his "Hello?" reached my middle ear, I woke up, startled, saw that he has been waiting for an answer from me for about 52 seconds. When I finally gathered my words, "Yes Sir hello, how can I--" he hung up.

Can't blame him. He can't blame me either.

But I could have made a sale. I am 80 bucks short of my quota for the day.

**7.00AM.

Time to gather my stuff, run out of the office, hail a cab and then make it to school in an hour. Will have classes until 4.30PM, then my new shift starts at 7PM-4AM.

Hell of a life.

You Know I'm No Good.

4.06AM.

Put by a customer on hold. Will have to wait because he will be purchasing a car stereo and I need to reach my quota. Anyway, I just came back from a date with this guy. He's 60% of what I want in a guy. He's got money and he is ambitious. He's one of our company's top salesmen. But he's on his 30's and well, his personality takes a lot of getting used to. He's alright though. Raised in the States.

I really like mature and older guys but he's not my type. I realized I can't push myself to like something or someone even if for example, I like money and the guy has money.

I was just taking chances. He deserves someone better. I got trust issues. I can't stay at one place for a long time.

***

RIP. Amy Winehouse. You'll forever be remembered.

I'm sleepy then I'm up at the sight of it.

Okay, I don't know if you have tried working nights before but it's a damn good challenge if you haven't already. Actually it's probably best to stay away so as to avoid stress and wondrous permanent damages to your immune system. And it doesn't stop there. It also puts a halt on a lot of other things like... well, your life as you know it.

It's 3:34AM, I'm in my station taking calls and I want to literally hit the floor and just sleep in peace regardless of it being very uncomfortable. I regret having to take the job, I regret why I'm here instead of sleeping, I miss the nightlife, I miss social life, pretty much everything.

But then I take back everything I said and my feelings of regret I start to forget when I see the sun breaking out at 5AM. I see the somewhat strong current of the Pasig River and the stillness and peacefulness of.. well, mankind.

I love the view from here. Now everything just seems right. I'll have the same thoughts tomorrow around the same time but I'll have the same good vibes when I see the clouds lightening up the horizon.

Chapter II: I Don't Think I Am Mentally Healthy Anymore.

I finished my requirement of giving psychological tests to four patients. Now I have to write a psychological report for of them. I have 30 more hours to burn before my internship ends. So now I still have to go almost every day to the mental facility and go to work at night.

One day, I was doing this one particular psychological report and just got a little frustrated and depressed. The patient has a very superior IQ before he was in the mental facility. Now, just after a month inside, he now has an IQ of mild mental retardation.

Talk about shared psychosis* and deterioration of the human mind and soul.

And I would never ever call the National Center for Mental Health* a "hospital". Staying in that place would really disturb and drive one to insanity.

Shared Psychosis or Folie A Deux is sort of a madness that is shared by two. For example, Richard, with a very superior IQ, is admitted to a mental facility. In there, he is with five more men who have serious psychological problems and has profound to mild mental retardation. Richard, being in the same place with these men, might acquire and exhibit the personalities of the five men.

NCMH is the official mental health hospital of the Philippines and it is ran by the Government.